Create a CULTURE OF HONOR in your MARRIAGE
In many weddings, the couple is often asked this question: “Will you take this woman/man to be your wife/husband, to live together in holy matrimony? Will you love her/him, comfort her/him, honor, and keep her/him in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, be faithful to her/him as long as you both shall live?”
Part of the question is not just a commitment to love and comfort, but attached to the vow is a commitment to honor our spouses. While the word “honor” may not be often talked about today, it still bears great significance, and when consistently practiced at home, results to great joy and fulfillment.
One of the best gifts we can give our spouses is the gift of honor. It sends the message, “I value you.” It recognizes the fact that our spouses are created with great intrinsic worth and design, made in the image and likeness of God. But how do we dishonor or undervalue them? Below are several ways that we should be aware of.
INSPIRATIONS FOR WEDDINGS ONLINE MAGAZINE l VOLUME 6 ISSUE 11 l pp 110
HURTFUL WORDS: When we say things that bring offense and pain, we dishonor our spouses. Statements like “you’ll never change” bring a lot of hurt.
COMPARING: When we tell our husband or wife “Why can’t you be just like _______?” or when we compare our spouse to others, it can deeply wound them.
DEGRADING OPINIONS: In the height of an argument, we can potentially say things that hurt so we can retaliate. Statements like “you’re not that bright, are you?” or “You’re not using your head” can be very dishonoring even if said in jest.
IGNORING KIND DEEDS: Gary Chapman talks about the “Five Love Languages” in his book which include time, words of affirmation, physical touch, gifts, and service. Any of these are ways to communicate love but when ignored, the person expressing his or her love is dishonored.
NOT ADMITTING MISTAKES: A lot of times, pride gets in the way. We want to push what we want and prove that we are right. Not admitting mistakes is one of the quickest ways to dishonor our spouses.
HARSHNESS: Maybe we grew up in an environment where harshness is celebrated. But no one wants to be embarrassed, or worse, crushed verbally.
NOT LISTENING: Because of the social media culture we are in, we tend to be focused on a screen many times a day. This can be carried over meal times and in the bedroom. Conversations get limited to short statements because we are ‘busy’ checking other people’s feeds. And when that happens, our spouses may feel that we are not listening.
WRONG PRIORITIES: When we replace our partners with something or someone else, it shows that their value in our lives is diminished and this is utterly dishonoring. Career, hobbies, recreation, among many other things can lead to misplaced priorities. How then can we begin in this journey of honoring our spouses? Allow me to share a few suggestions.
INSPIRATIONS FOR WEDDINGS ONLINE MAGAZINE l VOLUME 6 ISSUE 11 l pp 110
1. LET’S DISCOVER OUR SPOUSES’ SWEET SPOT OF PRAISE. In tennis, there is what you call the sweet spot. It is when the ball is hit by a specific area of the racket where the ball absorbs the maximum amount of the available forward momentum and rebounds away from the racket with a greater velocity than if struck at any other point.
What is true in tennis can be true in relationships, especially in marriage relationships. Finding what makes your spouse feel valued the most is very important. Encouragement is a powerful thing, and I have yet to meet a person who dislikes being encouraged. I am not talking about flattery for people will know inauthentic statements, especially our spouses.
Is she a good cook? Is he an amazing handyman? Is she brilliant at work? Is he remarkable with connecting with your
extended family? The most meaningful admiration in our marriages will come from a sincere heart that notices what really matters - what our respective partners really value.
2. LET’S FOCUS ON WHO OUR SPOUSES ARE, NOT ONLY ON WHAT THEY DO. Going back to what I mentioned earlier, our spouses are wonderfully designed and have great intrinsic value because they are created in the image of God. While we want to honor and appreciate them for what they do, we also want to value them for who they are.
Reminding ourselves of the character traits why we fell in love with our spouses in the first place is a good start. Verbalizing this to them honors them and gives them high value.
3. LET’S STAY COMMITTED AND FAITHFUL. While this may be a given, what seems to be plain and obvious is the most neglected and ignored. The commitment is “till death do us part.” Commitment is making a choice to give up other choices. Staying committed to the marriage and faithful to the one God gave us is the highest form of honoring our spouses.
INSPIRATIONS FOR WEDDINGS ONLINE MAGAZINE l VOLUME 6 ISSUE 11 l pp 110
